Flaneuse Notes

I'm Back

2011-09-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter what I do, I always end up here with you...

It's been a long 6 months. Mourned Mom, changed my job, and created a home. But you always come back to some of your loves and I'm starting again with my photography. Literally. I'm about to take my first vacation in 2 years, plan to take some photos, renew some skills and discover some new.

Changes as always are continuing and I'll be updating this blog. Don't know yet where it's going to head, but knew I wasn't ready to let it go. So it's fall the time of fulfillment, let's change the pumpkin into a carriage and see where the new journeys are taking me.

Rhianna, "I'm Back":

My Mom In Memorandum

2011-03-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

Judie G.

April 10, 1941-March 30, 2011

My Mom passed away this morning in Michigan with my youngest sister and brother with her. I told her good-bye a few minutes by phone before she died. This picture was taken at the Arizona Botanical Garden in November 2007.

She is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins

Sarah Brightman, "Pie Jesu":

Raising of the Green

2011-03-17T17:41:00.000-07:00

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time - a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic.

Adrienne Cook

There is a good deal of Irish and Scotch in my heritage. Today I didn't make corned beef and cabbage, drink green beer or do any of the things that American's do to celebrate. Instead I did something that is truer to my heritage...I planted. You could say I am my parents child....that is give me two inches of bare ground and I have to put something in it. My patio has an large area full of rich soil. So with the sun shining and the ground warming, not to mention I'm on a week off and doing a staycation, I put in a potager. Fruit trees, herbs, flowers and vegtables are now stretching their roots down and their green leaves up.

My Mom is truly in her last days. I know that in the next days or weeks a phone call will come. She is now bed bound, at times confused and not always recognizing my sister or brother. It was a hard choice to make to not go to Michigan, but I decided that I needed time after 18 months of not taking a break to catch my breath. But today, when I was planting the garden I felt close to my Mom in spirit. I'm planning to add a bird feeder for hummingbirds to celebrate her life and soon memory as she loves birds.

Some people were doing the wearing of the green today, but I was doing the raising of the green. In bringing forth the magic of the earth, I am connected to my Irish roots and thus my family.

U2, "With or Without You":

In the Rain

2011-03-06T13:21:00.001-08:00

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Yesterday the sun was shining and I begin to prepare my new patio for planting. Today the rain is coming down and the drops are dancing on my garden Buddha. It's a lazy day. I've just shut out everything and am catching up on reading and Netflix viewing. One thing I've observed is that when you're running around on adrenaline, it's hard to slow down, but slow down one must and just be.

Another project I completed yesterday was refinishing a 50s Cosco cart which I'm turning into a bar cart for my living room. Now I'm on the outlook for vintage bar ware. That's my style a mix of the vintage with the modern. A typewriter to go in the front of my living room window is next. I'm also gathering some photos from friends to mix with my own as I'm putting some picture rails up to display said work.

Some changes are coming in the 1-2 months, good ones, but more about these soon.

Sonny Legaspi, "Simple Pleasures":

Emerging Back

2011-02-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

The moment of truth, the sudden emergence of a new insight, is an act of intuition.

Arthur Koestler

The first major steps to emerging back into life here in California were taken this weekend. I got together with some photography friends on Friday and then squeezed in a short hike on Saturday morning. I'm realizing that I'm going to have to go back and begin to relearn Photoshop. I had begun the process of learning 19 months ago and things began to change. As luck would have it, I have found an online class that does Photoshop CS3 which I still have and want to learn before I leap into the higher editions. It begins in a couple of weeks and I intend to be there.

Mom is still holding on, but she moves away from us a little bit more every day. I speak to her on the phone daily for a few moments. I debated going back, but I realized I don't have much time left from work and I would only have a week with her. At this point when she is afraid and wants someone with her constantly, I don't think I could handle having to leave her there with that fear. I wish it was different, but her choices from a few years ago to be in the Midwest created this scenario. My sisters and I here in the West have agonized over not being able to be there at this time, but the reality of life is that you have to keep living yours even when someone you love is losing theirs. This may be one of the hardest lessons I've learned, but learn it I have and I am as I said when I began this entry am emerging back.

Because of the thoughts of change, of being from Michigan, the process of getting to change and having watched the Oscars last night, I've been thinking about Eminem today so it away I feel a kinship to his award winning song...

Eminem, "Lose Yourself":

I Am A Rock and I'm Getting Closer to Fine

2011-02-20T13:52:00.001-08:00

I am a rock, I am an island

Simon and Garfield

It's been a long couple of months. I was called out to Michigan because they didn't think my Mom was going to make it. Long story short, she made it and is still here. I had to come back to California, because of other events happening, I'm moved into a condo on my own. So it's been busy. Emotions have been like a yo-yo. Up and down. I would like to return to Michigan in some ways, but in other ways, no. I'm playing it by ear. Things are changing in so many areas of life, I just take it as it comes.

My mom was moved to a permanent hospice house this past week to spend her last days, weeks or months? The doctors and we have given up predicting. My siblings and I are talking regularly and I think all of us being together in December for what we thought was her last days brought us together after a few initial rough spots.

I try to to talk to her daily. Some days she recognizes me, some not (the cancer is now in her brain). It's a tough call, but unless she has a miracle and returns to the Mom I know, I hope the end is soon. We're all tired and watching our mother regress into a child-like state has been hard.

Right now though I've found a center in my home, I'm meditating again, doing yoga and beginning to make plans to return to a life that I have in many ways let go in the past 19 months (but wouldn't trade it for the time I've had with Mom). I'm getting closer to fine.

Indigo Girls, "Closer to Fine":

Citrus Christmas Magic

2010-12-07T19:47:00.001-08:00

A woman ought to carry herself as an orange tree would if it could walk up and down the garden,

swinging perfume from every little censer it holds up to the air.

Harry Ward Beecher

My California friends are amazed and amused at my love of photographing citrus this time of year. There are two reasons. The first comes from getting citrus at Christmas when I was a child. It was a treat because with 5 children and the cost, fresh oranges in Michigan was not a common thing. The second is that after years of seeing barren trees with the only green things being pines in December to see a tree with ripening fruit is amazing to my four season senses.

Citrus ripens close to Christmas here in California, so to me it seems like a magic, mystical thing and I don't think I will ever lose that sense of it being that way. This year it seems even more special with every thing going on. However for all of that, I'm happy that for the first time in several years, I'll be home in Michigan with Mom and probably be having a "white Christmas".

Diana Krall, "White Christmas":

Poinsettia Forest

2010-12-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

And onwards, as bells off San Salvador Salute the crocus lustres of the stars, In these poinsettia meadows of her tides.

Hart Crane

About a half hour from where I live there is a poinsettia farm. A friend went there today to pick up some holiday gifts and invited me along. It was fantastitical. All of these greenhouses packed with a huge variety and size of poinsettias. They had hot cider brewing and cookies available.

It wasn't the going to the going pick out the Christmas tree adventure of my youth, but it made a fun adult version. Not to mention it was 65 degrees today so it was very California. They were kind enough to let me take some photos.

Even with all that is going on, I am working to keep the holiday spirit going.

Loreena McKennitt, "Emmanuel":

In the Mist

2010-12-02T21:15:00.001-08:00

Sob, heavy world Sob as you spin, Mantled in mist Remote from the happy.

W.H. Auden

Today the news came that the physician at the hospice house felt my Mom's cancer was probably spread to her bones and there wasn't a good deal more time. So family is gathering for the journey. We are taking turns coming to her as there are several of us who want to spend time with her, but don't want to tire her out. I will go in about 10 days. They feel she will probably make the Christmas holiday because she wants that, but then things will probably change rapidly.

My mom seems to have found her peace. And I have found mine even in the midst of the grief. We walk different spiritual paths and hers is one of Christianity. So tonight I dedicate a piece from Handel's Messiah to her that her faith will take her through the next weeks....

Handel, "The Messiah, I Know My Redeemer Liveth":

Stark Landscapes

2010-11-28T18:49:00.001-08:00

Tell me about your despair, yours and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Mary Oliver

It was tough today talking to my mother. I could hear in her voice the beginnings of letting go. To be frank I've heard whispers of it in the past few weeks, but today it shouted loud and clear. I think the past months we were able to keep the reality of her approaching death hidden, because she tried so hard to be "normal". Right now I know intellectually what's coming having been there in my professional life, but emotionally I'm kind of numb.

Today I practiced harp, took a walk to look at Christmas lights and touched base with some friends. Did an hour of yoga practice. All routine things. I think routine is the touchstone by which we survive during times like these....

So saying I'll be leaning on routine and using my blog to help me get through the next weeks. And since it's been a tradition to do some holiday music at some point in this blog I'll start tonight...

Andreas Wollenweider, "The Holly and The Ivy":

A View From....A Cold World

2010-11-27T06:48:00.001-08:00

To do anything truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.

Og Mandino

It has been cold in Northern California this past week. In the early morning hours as I headed to the Jeep my shoulders would be hunched up in defense against the icy air and I found myself still so chilled even with the heater going, that I would pull over for an thawing hot drink.

It's been a couple of weeks too where I am shivering against the singular determination of life to bring change. Without going into detail, it is necessary to gain my clinical licensure in California so now I'm tip toeing through the land minds of application and if I clear that then passing two very difficult tests. My mom is declining. I'll be in Michigan in a little over two weeks to have the holidays with her and other members of my family. Overshadowing this is the knowledge it is her last. I hope it will be a good one.

It has also become necessary for me to prepare to move in the next 2-4 months. So I'm looking for a temporary place to stay as I don't know that I want to sign a year lease with all the change that is coming.

But I don't want to seem dismal, all of this is leading to something new and wonderful. I've traveled these roads in different forms before. I know the sign posts. Life is preparing me for change yet again and from previous experiencing I know though I feel somewhat frozen emotionally from the cold in my world, the thaw will come and blooming will occur.

Addendum: I spoke with my youngest sister this afternoon. She feels my mom is worsening rapidly. I'll call Hospice this week for an update. It may be selfish, but I'm hoping I don't have to leave until December 14th. We are going to be taking turns staying with her starting tomorrow so she won't be alone. That there tells me that things are changing....

Jonas Steur featuring Julie Thompson, "Cold Winds (Original Mix):

From the Profound to the Profane

2010-11-06T08:06:00.000-07:00

Life is like a movie-since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of it.

Garry Trudeau

Last night taught me you can keep your head in the clouds of philosophy and then real life brings you back with a thud. Let me elucidate. It was late and I was taking my nightly shower when suddenly I was getting a shower from below as well as above. Water was spraying up from the drain and I hear a weird noise from the toilet. It had also turned into a water fountain. My bathroom had become a Stephen King horror novel. I expected something to rise out of the bathroom sink to join the party, but that didn't occur although some ominous noises were coming from the area.

Have you ever tried to turn off water from a valve that hasn't been turned in years? Let's just say the rest of my night involved bathroom and water clean up, a plumber at two in the morning (little did I know that plumbers are like your local ER, always open for emergencies) and figuring out why it occurred in the first place. And the answer was roots in the city water lines...

So now I know bathroom problems are like a baby being born, they seem to like to come in the middle of the night. Ah well, my bathroom practical skills have grown and I found an oldie but goodie while I was perusing YouTube waiting for the plumber to finish his work. It seemed to fit the surreal/spacey feeling of having work done on your condo in the wee hours of the morning (did I mention skulking around the bushes with a flashlight looking for sewer and water lines, hoping you don't wake your neighbors up?).

Peter Schilling, "Major Tom (Coming Home):

Clouds on the Landscape of Life

2010-11-05T12:07:00.001-07:00

Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.

Lord Byron

Clouds are an interesting metaphor for life. They can be used to symbolize great confusion and sadness or great beauty. Life has been a mix of both. The clouds of the last year have helped me delve deeper into the beauty and meaning of what I want my life to be. As I have parted them like a veil I have come to find within my self a core of strength that I didn't know I possessed.

The sunset of my mother's life has helped me to find a sunrise in mine. There is new beauty in old things....my career, my friendships etc. Yet I am finding horizons for tomorrow....

Once again my camera has helped me to peer at the clouds on the landscape of my life.

Fleetwood Mac, "Storms":

Celtic New Year

2010-11-01T19:09:00.001-07:00

For magic to happen in your life, you must believe in magic.

Author Unknown

It's great when you belong to traditions in which you get to celebrate a New Year twice. So here's wishing the coming cycle of seasons is full of growth, magic and wisdom.

And my adopted National League Team (let's hope the Tigers never have to play them) won the World Series for the first time in 56 years tonight. How magical is that?

Van Morrison, "Celtic New Year":

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T07:03:00.001-07:00

On Hallowe'en the thing you must do

Is pretend that nothing can frighten you

And if somethin' scares you and you want to run

Just let on like it's Hallowe'en fun.

Author Unknown

Happy Halloween.

Hoping the day is full of fun and treats.

May no tricks or nightmares follow upon the path of your feet.

Since I couldn't decide which one I liked better, 2 musical treats.

Alice Cooper, "Welcome to My Nightmare":

Michael Jackson, "Thriller"

Sweeping Around

2010-10-30T14:18:00.000-07:00

Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.

Dale Carnegie

It's cold and gray today. The leaves are finally beginning their descent off the trees where I live. You would think I could just relax and curl up with a book, but I've been busy already. A long walk with Bella, trip to the farmer's market and library. Home to make the Midwestern version of goulash and share it with a few hungry people. Final plans for going back to Michigan (I'm flying instead) in December. Ordering the final pieces of my fall wardrobe. Later a harp lesson and time with a special someone. Boredom isn't a word I have in my vocabulary....I'm busy sweeping around with life.

This was all brought on by talking with a friend from childhood about how we cannot believe where we are at in life i.e. changes wrought in the last year. We talked about how we've coped. The answer is to try and take a lesson from the willow tree and bend with the winds that sweep through your life so you don't break. Or it could be we're still the crazy kids we were even after all these years and it keeps letting us make it....

Paul Simon, "Still Crazy After All These Years":

Perspective

2010-10-25T19:49:00.001-07:00

A precipice in front, wolves behind

Latin Saying

Perspective really is how one sees things and there is no better teacher for this lately then my camera. I had hoped I was shooting an series of interesting rock formations in a certain light this past week in the Alabama Hills. When I was finally looked at this today, I was stunned the contrast was even more then I had hoped for in the light that existed. Either I'm seeing more from the camera's perspective or I'm finally getting to see more from mine. I'm not sure sure which, but it was a good lesson for today.

I've spent the last couple of weeks not spending much time on Mom issues, but they came back today. It was a good deal of feeling like I was riding a wild horse of emotion until I was able to gain better control of my perspective. And gaining perspective is everything if you can find a positive frame to put it in.

Rolling Stones, "Wild Horses":

Looking into the Past 3

2010-10-24T05:49:00.000-07:00

Ghost towns, ghost people. The whole place has the air of obsolescence about it.

Jean Braudrillard

In all the times I've photographed in Bodie, I've never had a ghost encounter or "ghostly photos". This past visit though I became intrigued with the reflections hitting the windows combined with the objects I've was trying to capture. I ended up with almost a "ghostly" montage effect that I liked.

Others however claim to have had experiences. I went to hauntedbay.com and found a few of those stories. Urban tales or truth....who knows, but they do make for some delicious shivers this close to Halloween....

In addition to being a ghost town, Bodie has quite a few ghost stories associated with it. Perhaps the most famous haunted house in Bodie is the Cain house. Jim Cain was a shrewd businessman who made a fortune bringing lumber to the treeless town of Bodie. Nearly everything was made from wood in Bodie, homes were heated with it, and the mills used enormous quantities for their steam engines. Mr. Cain built himself a home in central Bodie at the corner of Green and Park Streets and hired a Chinese woman to be the family maid. Soon after, rumors floated through the town that Mr. Cain was having an affair with the maid and Mrs. Cain promptly fired her. Disgraced and unable to find honest work the former maid committed suicide.

It has been reported that her ghost haunts the remains of the Cain House. Over the years the house has served as park ranger housing and has been open to visitors. Children have reported seeing the maid's ghostly face in the upstairs bedroom. Visitors have reported hearing the sound of music coming from the same unoccupied upstairs bedroom. Several park rangers and their families have reported unnerving experiences in the house. In one famous case the wife of a park ranger said:

"I was lying in bed with my husband in the lower bedroom and I felt a pressure on me, as though someone was on top of me. I began fighting. I fought so hard I ended up on the floor. It really frightened me. Another ranger who had lived there, Gary Walters, had the same experience, in the same room, except that he also saw the door open and felt a presence and a kind of suffocation."

A daughter of a park ranger had a less extreme yet no less bizarre experience. One night she went to bed in the upstairs bedroom. She turned off the lights and got in bed. The lights promptly turned back on. She got up, turned off the lights, and tried again to get in bed only to have the lights turn on by themselves. This happened several more times before the child screamed for the ghosts to leave her alone and fled the room in tears.

Strange sounds and noises have been reported emanating from in or around many of the buildings in Bodie. An unsettling experience in a ghost town noted for its absolute quiet. One house, the Mendocini house, has had reports of children laughing outside, as well as a report from one ranger who, while sitting quietly inside reading, began to hear the sounds of a party. He left the building to investigate, assuming the sounds were coming from outside, only to discover that they were coming from inside the house and even louder than before. He thanked the ghosts for trying to throw him a party but insisted that he had a lot of reading to do. The sounds stopped.

The ghosts of the Mendocini house must like cooking as much as they like a lively party. It's rumored that sometimes when the house is opened up after a long winter it smells of Italian cooking.

In other buildings, visitors have reported seeing objects move on their own or have feelings that they are being followed or watched from the windows.

Perhaps the most famous supernatural aspect of Bodie isn't a particular ghost or haunted house but a curse. The infamous curse of Bodie. According to the legend, the spirits of former residents protect the town from all those who would remove parts of it. Anyone who removes something, regardless of size, from Bodie is cursed with bad luck and misfortune until the removed items are returned. According to park rangers, every year they receive objects in the mail taken from Bodie. Sometimes these objects are received with anonymous letters of apology to both the town and its guardian spirits.

So you can see Bodie has quite a history and reputation. It is what keeps me coming back. It's too interesting not to.

Ghost Town: Bodie, Part 2:

Looking into the Past 2

2010-10-23T10:27:00.001-07:00

If history were a photograph of the past it would be flat and uninspiring. Happily, it is a painting; and, like all works of art, it fails of the highest truth unless imagination and ideas are mixed with the paints.

Allen Nevins

A bit of change of pace, because it is so interesting I am going to let Michael H. Piatt's words tell about Bodie:

In 1859 four prospectorsdiscovered gold in a shallow California valley north of Mono Lake, where tales of riches had drawn them from their homes in the Mother Lode region. Joined by other gold hunters they mined briefly, until an unexpected November blizzard overtook the remote mining outpost and killed one of the discoverers. W.S. Bodey's wintry death gave the diggings its name. The spelling changed when a painter in the nearest town lettered a sign "Bodie Stables," and area residents thought it looked so much better than other phonetic variations that by 1862 "Bodie" had become the district's accepted name.1

Several financially backed companies acquired claims at Bodie, but by 1868 they had abandoned their mines along with the district's first two stamp mills.

Bleak terrain and meager returns prevented even the glimmer of gold from attracting much interest, and Bodie District languished for the next seven years, yielding only enough yellow metal to tempt a few hopeful prospectors and sustain a scattering of destitute miners. Some steadfast inhabitants washed placer gravel, while the most hearty drove tunnels or sunk shafts to follow low-grade quartz veins into the earth. Then in 1875, a mine called the Bunker Hill caved, exposing an ore body that attracted San Francisco speculators. One group of capitalists purchased the claim and organized a company that set up industrial-scale mining. Their gamble paid off. The Standard Company produced $784,523 in gold and silver bullion during 1877 and rewarded stockholders with four consecutive monthly dividends.

The company's good luck sent shock waves through the mining world and attracted hundreds of fortune seekers. The newcomers built a scruffy, ramshackle town while distant speculators organized companies and sold stock to eager investors. Two bonanza veins in the Bodie Mine, followed by the discovery of the incredibly rich Fortuna Lode and the vast Main Standard Ledge, convinced stockholders and hopeful arrivals that opportunity awaited. Based on overoptimistic reporting, everybody believed that Bodie's ore sprang from a colossal vein, similar to the Comstock's Big Bonanza. This lode, experts theorized, stretched two miles from Bodie Bluff, passed through High Peak and Silver Hill, then pinched out somewhere below Queen Bee Hill. Although most Bodie mines had yet to produce profitable ore, investors from San Francisco to New York City poured money into companies that spent with abandon to reach greater depths. By late 1878, twenty-two mines sported expensive steam-powered hoisting machinery to bring riches to the surface, and the booming town's startup newspaper cried: "Ho for Bodie!"

People of all descriptions poured in to Bodie, each hoping to find a fortune. Their excitement gave rise to one of the West's wildest boomtowns, earning the nascent community a reputation for frontier violence that rivaled Tombstone, Deadwood, and Dodge City. "Saloons and gambling hells abound," reported San Francisco's Daily Alta California in June 1879. "There are at least sixty saloons in the place and not a single church."

Tall tales about "The Bad Man from Bodie" entertained readers nationwide, while seemingly daily stories of stagecoach holdups, shootouts, saloon brawls and other forms of deadly mayhem almost eclipsed reports of developments in the mines. "Goodbye, God; we are going to Bodie ..." was the bedtime prayer of a sweet little San Jose 3-year-old after she learned her family was moving to Bodie. An annoyed Bodie editor retorted that the girl had been misquoted. What she really said was "GOOD. By God we are going to Bodie ..."4Miners, tradesmen, businessmen, wives and others, some desperate, all hopeful, flooded into the booming town until mid-1880, when residents estimated the population had grown to 7,000 or 8,000 and Main Street stretched more than a mile. Bodie also boasted a brass band, two banks, a Chinatown and a red-light district.

So Bodie has a rich history. Supposedly some it's residents are still hanging out there. Since we're so close to Halloween I'll share those stories next.

Here's another piece of history instead of music, a 50 year old documentary on Bodie.

Ghost Town: Bodie, Part 1 of 2:

Looking Into the Past

2010-10-22T23:33:00.001-07:00

If one could make alive again for other people some cobwebbed skein of old dead intrigues and breathe breath and character into dead names and stiff portraits. That is history to me!

George Macaulay Trevelyan

What is it that fascinates us about the past and its events? Bodie is an especially intriguing place because it is a piece of the history that still retains the feel of the people who lived there. It has not been "prettied up" to the detail of a museum or reenactment village. It contains the very real pieces of what is once was.

You can look through many windows and find those pieces. Certainly they have had a bit of nudging from the State Parks employees, but for the most part what you see is what was. It's one of my favorite things and I'll share a few pictures over the next nights about that history.

This was one of the most startling. Perhaps because a famous face is peering back as you peer in. A bit unexpected and an eerie feeling...

Weekend, "Past Meets Present":

Mountain Amour

2010-10-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountain is going home; that wildness is necessity; that mountain parks and reservations are useful not only as fountains of timber and irrigating rivers, but as fountains of life.

John Muir

I don't know what it is about the Eastern Sierra Nevada's, but I'm in love. Every time I go up to them, I find it hard to come down. It feels like home to me. I figured after two days back in the Valley, I'd be content. I'm not. My heart is straining towards the East.

Why these? I went to graduate school not that far from the Rockies and I loved them, but not with the passion of the Sierra Nevadas. The Owens Valley area where I often spend time at the base of this particular range of the Sierras has extremes of weather, but I embrace them. Perhaps it's the freedom to just be. That I feel the piece of me that is eternal....

All I know is that I'm counting the days till I go back again...I've got it bad and is that good?

Clint Eastwood, "Sierra Nevada":

Manzanar Revisited

2010-10-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

And it seems to me important for a country, for a nation to certainly know about its glorious achievements but also to know where its ideals failed, in order to keep that from happening again.

George Takei

This year there was a certain poignancy in my visit to Manzanar. One of my newer patient's and his wife had been in internment camps during World War II. They weren't at Manzanar, but had relatives who were. We have talked at length about it and he commented, "as I a result I no longer trust the American Constitution." With his experience who can blame him. It's essential to know that in a country that takes great pride in its achievements, we have also had colossal failures. Perhaps due to the emergence of a homeland security in the last several years, we again sit on a knifes edge of letting our ideals be submerged again.

There is now a mess hall and barracks at Manzanar. I sat in them taking photographs and could hear the groan of the building as the wind moved it. I could feel the bitterness of the cold as it whipped the edges of windows and doors. And I thought, how would it have felt to me if suddenly I was placed here as a perceived enemy of the United States simply because I bore a certain ancestral heritage. It was sobering and frightening.

Yet many people accepted this, not fighting much (there were outbreaks here and there at this and other internment camps). The phrase "shikata ga nai" or "it can't be helped" indicated cultural norms over which one had little control and was used to explain why there wasn't much fighting about the placement directly. It is hard for Westerners or people from today's era to understand, but it was how many were able to keep face in great adversity and survive.
I continue to learn on every visit I make to Manzanar and try to use my voice to help see it never happens again.

Kitaro, "Heaven and Earth":

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

2010-10-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun

Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long

'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show

India.Arie

I ended up staying in the Sierra Nevada's for an extra day. It's been a few days of re-realization. I've sat on the rocks and felt the wind blow through my hair, have been revitalized and renewed. The scent of sage and the desert surrounded me. I've been there watching the sun come up and the sun go down. After a year of frantic activity (all with good reason in family and work), I found the simple sound of silence. I think that's why I love this area in the Sierras. I've found a hotel where I can set up base and there are tons of areas to hike in, photograph and just be.

On today, my last day, I finally slowed down enough that I'm spending some time in my room, reading and working on photos. It has been raining off and on. The strange thing is that every time I've been out in the last couple of days, I've been able to tell by the wind changes that rain was just about to start and would make it back to the Jeep before the torrents arrived. So it seems like being back in nature has reawakened my wisdom of the experience of being in it.

Wednesday I'll return to work. Then in about 6 weeks I'll journey to Michigan to stay with my Mom for the holidays. After that I don't know. I do know that I've gained strength in the last year. My Mom's journey has taught me to let my dreams live and to take chances more before it's too late.

I have one more thing to do here tomorrow morning. It may be positive or it may be negative, but thanks to the last few days, I've found the strength, courage and wisdom to do the task. We'll see how it goes.

India.Arie, "Strength, Courage and Wisdom":

Ghost Town Flamingos

2010-10-16T22:13:00.001-07:00

One shouldn't put all their flamingos in a basket.

Unknown

As inferred, I've started my trip to the mountains. One of my first stops was Bodie. I got there early to shoot, but by noon swarms of people had arrived including some photography workshoppers. When you cannot turn around without tripping over a tripod it is time to leave. Before I left though I found these flamingos. I'm not sure if they were set up for the workshops or just a joke. I would like to think it for a joke as I certainly was chortling.

I also ran across some sheepherders with a mule beginning to push their herd across a major highway. This came complete with 2 men in safety jackets with slow signs beginning to set up to stop traffic. Unfortunately there was no place to pull over and catch it on camera, so as more then one person has said, I had to take a mental picture. But again I was grinning at the slight bizzareness as I sped on my way to my next stop.

It's been a great day, just what the doctor prescribed for stress relief. But I have to ask who knew that pink flamingos lived in ghost towns?

Talk Talk, "It's My Life":

Blessed Be

2010-10-13T19:59:00.001-07:00

It only takes one smile to offer welcome...and blessed be the person who will share it. It only takes one moment to be helpful...and blessed be the person who will spare it. It only takes one joy to lift a spirit...and blessed be the person who will give it. It only takes one life to make a difference...and blessed be the person who will live it.

Amanda Bradley

Blessed be the friend who opens your eyes to the necessity of a rest and provides the means. That is the friend recognizes the fact that you need to take a break to go to your church of nature and who makes it possible for it to happen. And so I will be taking a mini-break from Saturday to Monday to go to my beloved mountains, take some photos and get some perspective.

Blessed be the patient who doesn't speak English, but brings you a brownie to say thank you because you were the one to give her a balloon, a card and sang happy birthday to her chair side, as this is what we do in our clinic. Blessed be her shy smile as she gives it to you and makes the crazy things that happen in your job worthwhile and worth doing.

Blessed be the beauty of the journey and what it brings every day that I have on this Earth.

Loreena McKennitt, "The Mystic's Dream":

Echoes

2010-10-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all.

Richard Wright

Right now I realize that my blog is echoing the exterior events of my life and the resulting feelings more then the process around my photography. That is okay. My photography is still there, it's just more muted right now.

I spoke with my mother this evening. She tried to speak casually of what her day was like, but I could hear an echo of pain and perhaps fear. She tried to attribute the pain to her arthritis. But the echo of fear I mentioned earlier resounded clearly. On an other day I might have ignored it, but tonight tired from a hard day and knowing that my own fear was rising of things changing too rapidly, I asked her if she felt it could be attributed to the cancer. After a couple of minutes, she answered possibly. She then said she wished I was there now. And again I heard echoes. My mom isn't so much afraid of the cancer itself as being alone with it in the wee hours of the night. For me this is the hardest thing of all right now. Wanting to be there for more time then I can give due to my life restrictions.

Most of us wish for more time when we are faced with limitations. I can only hope that the time we want for her will happen. I know there is life still, but the echo of death is becoming a real voice and it will sound it's call whether we want to hear it or not.

Pink Floyd, "Echoes":

A Bit Blue

2010-10-09T21:19:00.001-07:00

“Have you got any soul?" a woman asks the next afternoon. That depends, I feel like saying; some days yes, some days no. A few days ago I was right out; now I've got loads, too much, more than I can handle. I wish I could spread it a bit more evenly, I want to tell her, get a better balance, but I can't seem to get it sorted. I can see she wouldn't be interested in my internal stock control problems though, so I simply point to where I keep the soul I have, right by the exit, just next to the blues.”

Nick Hornby

It's been a bit over a week since I've gotten back to California. I've found today, sitting in a lake of quiet at home, a bit of the blues. It was a year ago today I met John and had an intensive few months before it broke apart. Then there is the issue of Mom. There is a plan afoot to drive to Michigan for the holidays the first week of December if there are no changes the next 8-9 weeks. Usually a road trip would excite me, but I'm tired and it feels like life is at an impasse.

I know things will improve again, but today my soul is tired, it senses change is coming, but that this change is coming with some pain. People keep asking me about my plans....as that most famous of blues men, Robert Johnson sang:

"....I got the crossroads blues..."

I'm at a crossroads of events in life, a bit of the blues is just natural....

Rory Block, "Crossroad Blues":

Good-bye Again

2010-09-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

People so seldom say I love you. And then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean that I know you'll never go, only that I wish that you didn't have to.

Unknown

Saying good-bye to someone when there is a chance there you may not see them again in this life is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do especially when it's a loved one. My mom has not been with me much of the day today. She has a hard time saying good-bye. I wish we could talk about what is between us now, but when I tell her good-bye tomorrow to fly back to California and that I love her what I'm really saying is that I wish life was such that I didn't have to say it (good-bye that is).

John Denver, "Good-bye Again":

Nature Girl

2010-09-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.

John Muir

I'm still in Michigan. On Friday my Mom was admitted to Hospice. It was tough for some of my siblings as they don't understand the philosophy of care. But as I explained to them once someone stops all active treatment then it becomes the best option for care on a number of levels. It will be a process. We don't know how long she has, but when I leave on Tuesday I will feel that the best care for where she is at in this moment is occurring.

As I've been writing, nature has been my solace while I've been here. My last photo walk I ran into this woman photographing. We compared notes briefly and the relaxation we found in doing this. Always good to connect. I'll be going out for a couple of more rambles. What can I say, I'm a nature girl.

Jelly Jam, "Nature's Girl":

Autumn Equinox

2010-09-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

Then summer fades and passes and October comes. We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a sense of sadness and departure.

Thomas Wolfe

For me the Autumn Equinox is a spiritual day. I try when possible to spend some time in nature to do my meditation and reflect. In the twilight hours this evening I was able to walk through a turning wood and found a path to venture further into them to spend some time in quiet.

Earlier today I found someone's words and they speak profoundly of the meaning of what this year's equinox brings to me and were the source of my meditations:

At the Autumn Equinox the Earth demonstrates the beauty of Surrender. Surrender is a dirty word, in a domination culture. It reeks of passivity, of victimhood, of failure. We don't like to contemplate surrender. We like to force victory!

Consequently, we in the West have scant concept of the POWER inherent in surrender.

At any rate, we can't control it. We can't stop the seasons from turning. We can't stop the flow and ebb that happens in every aspect of life.The Earth at the Autumn Equinox shows us how to let go of the phase of growth and life. It's natural for humans to try to hold on, but limitation and death are beautiful players in this cosmic orchestra.

This may seem counterintuitive. But imagine a world where no one and nothing dies. Overcrowding is one thing, but what would we eat--living food? What solace awaits those suffering from injury or chronic pain? It would not create such a lovely world.

Both ebb and flow are necessary in this world, and indeed each fuels the other. Rest gives us energy to grow; growth creates a desire for rest. So the balance is growth and death, expansion and contraction, life and death.

In the next few days I will return to California. There is a plan to return to spend 1-2 months again with her beginning around Thanksgiving or so. Will the flow of my mother's life continue to this time? I don't know. During the last few weeks, I have helped educate her about Hospice and arranged for people from the program to meet with her. I've also tried to talk about the time that remains.

My mom is not a person who likes to talk about things. I am. We've struggled through the last year to find a meeting ground around the issues she has faced. I feel in this moment that I've done what I can. I am ready to surrender and for her to reach her rest whenever that may be in 1 month or 1 year.

For now, for me at least, there is peace.

May it be so for my mother and the rest of my family.

George Winston, "Autumn; Colors/Dance":

Seeds of Possibility

2010-09-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

dry seeds scatter
from my hand into the wind
one clings
as if to say
there is in me
something yet to be

Jeanne Emrich

I've been walking every evening in the woods behind my mother's as a part of keeping balance. Shooting photography to capture the light as it hits certain objects has been part of my practice. It's also good material for thinking. Last night I reflected on seeds.

Seeds have such possibilities contained within in them. They may sprout and grow or remain fallow. For a time they may remain on the vine, dry and seemingly destined to not be. But then the wind of change comes, blows them to new journeys and then they germinate full of newness and life.

Right now I feel somewhat like that dry seed, but I know the wind of change is licking at my life and soon the aforementioned journeys will be mine.

Badly Drawn Boy, "All Possibilities":

Puppy 'Tude

2010-09-19T08:59:00.001-07:00

I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures

we might be if we weren't certain we knew better.

George Bird Evans

Meet Buddy. He is a Keeshond who was adopted by my friend Quinn from a rescue organization several years ago. Buddy is special. He blossomed from a shy withdrawn dog to a winsome, adorable, and playful one who delights everyone who meets him. When he walks down the street people will stop to ask what breed he is and to ask to pet him. My favorite quote about him from last weekend was that he looks like a kleenex box with legs.

Buddy is a willing subject when it comes to photography. I loved this photo of him because of what I called his punk hair style. My sister Michelle in looking at the photo said he looked like the puppy version of Jack Nicholson.

If you're interested in learning more about Keeshonds, then this link to the national rescue page is for you:

Keeshond Rescue Page

Florence + The Machine, "Dog Days Are Over":

Break Time or Dreams

2010-09-15T19:49:00.001-07:00

Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

Unknown

I took a break on my break this past weekend and went to Stratford Ontario. The plays I saw including "The Tempest" and "Do Not Go Gentle" reminded me about living my dreams. While I am here with my Mom I'm working on listening to those dreams. It seems as even that quiet inner voice that guides us all has been drowned out lately by life's cares, but I'm taking time every day to write, to do yoga and to walk while I'm here. I don't know if I'll find any grand insights, but at least once again I'm hearing the aforementioned voice.

I've missed it.

Fleetwood Mac, "Dreams":

Glamorous Travel

2010-09-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

Travel is only glamorous in retrospect.

Paul Theroux

After a particularly difficult plane trip to Michigan the other day I find myself somewhat nostalgic for the days when travel was a more uncommon process. Air travel in particular has suffered the loss of glamor. There used to be a sense of excitement and possibility when you were to travel by air. Now it's about appealing as a root canal as to the dentist. Even my favorite airline Continental has fallen to the nickel and dime mentality. Every piece of the trip is colored by feeling as if you are being placed in cattle steerage and paying them for the honor. Let's face it September 11, 2001 really was also the death of glamor travel for the airlines. You have to fight to retain any sense of possibility of glamor in your travel. In that spirit, I like to dress up a bit for travel. And though others may doubt it, it is possible to be comfortable yet glamorous in your wardrobe choices when traveling. I've acquired the habit of packing an alfresco meal with a cloth napkin and getting a bottle of mineral water or something a little different when I can at the airport. It helps me feel as even though I may be in coach (I would love to travel first class, but have to live life on a social worker salary), I am treating myself first class. Usually my seat mates are envious also. When possible I try to encourage them to revolt against what I call the "Moo Airlines Mentality". A large cashmire scarf obtained from E-Bay also is part of my arsenal of keeping warm yet glamorous.

More and more I'm thinking about traveling by train and have found this website about train travel:

Train Travel

Train travel may be in many ways one of the last bastions of glamor travel. Maybe it's time to try doing more of it.

Sheila E, "The Glamorous Life":

Summer's End

2010-09-05T16:53:00.000-07:00

When summer gathers up her robes of glory,

And, like a dream, glides away

Sarah Hillman Whitman

While the calender says summer has a few more weeks to hang around for most of us Labor Day weekend spells the end of summer. Although school started a couple of weeks ago here, many communities start after Labor Day....my home state included. I'll be traveling there on Tuesday to spend three weeks with my Mom. Also there will be a trip to Canada for a few of those days to see a couple of friends.

Autumn has always been my favorite season. It's the fullness of growth come to fruition and the beginning of another cycle of change. This autumn visit is especially poignant. It probably will be the last one I'll experience with my Mom. I hope that during this time we have some time to share the fruits of her life and in what she has given to me, I'll begin the next cycle of mine.

Foo Fighters, "Summer's End":

Texture

2010-08-24T21:17:00.001-07:00

I like the natural elements that abstract into light, texture, shape and shadow.

Herb Ritts

Today seemed to be about texture. Texture has a lot of possibility for definition. The one I really liked beyond the obvious of tactile sensation (more about this in a minute) is that texture is the "essential quality of something". This seems to have a compact Zen outlook. So maybe a good combined definition is "the feel or shape of a substance or surface that leads one to its essential quality".

We had a party for staff birthdays for the month of August. One of our staff had carved this incredible bowl and the bowl was cradled in a tripod of interlocking wood. He had looked at a pine stump in his yard and went to work to produce it. The bowl was full of white peaches from trees in his yard. A couple of peaches had leaves still attached. The immediate draw for me was the texture...the silken smoothness of the wood contrasting with the soft velvet of the peach was irresistible. I had to stroke and touch....

That carried over to a time spent with someone this evening. Smooth, moist, hard, soft, liquid, heat, all of this throughout the time we were together. Being present to the being of another leads to the essential quality of connection.

Is it any wonder I love texture.

Catherine Wheel, "Texture":

Illumination

2010-08-21T22:24:00.001-07:00

Most striking at first is the appearance of sudden illumination, a manifest sign of long unconscious work.

Henri Poncaire

A gentle day. The weather turned mild and a trip to the local farmers market provided a bounty of seasonal produce that ended up with an impromptu dinner with a friend. Before that though I spend the afternoon reading and reflecting on the patio, Bella curled up on double Adriondack chair next to me.

I adapted Jamie Olivers "Caponata" recipe since I had all of the ingredients on hand from said market visit. Some bread and fresh organic raspberries topped with marscapone and drizzled with a bit of blackberry honey completed the meal.

It was an illumination that sometimes the seemingly simplest days are the most complex and rich.

Caponata

Ingredients

• olive oil

• 2 nice large purple eggplants, cut into large chunks

• 1 heaped teaspoon dried oregano

• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

• 1 small red onion, peeled and finely chopped

• 2 cloves of garlic, peeled and finely sliced

• a small bunch of basil finely chopped

• 2 tablespoons salted capers, rinsed, soaked and drained

• a handful of green olives, stones removed

• 2–3 tablespoons best-quality balsamic vinegar

• 5 large ripe tomatoes, roughly chopped

Get yourself a large pan, pour in a couple of lugs of olive oil, and place on the heat. Add your eggplant chunks and oregano, season with a little salt and toss around so the aubergine is evenly coated by the oil. Cook on a high heat for around 4 or 5 minutes, giving the pan a shake every now and then. (Depending on the size of your pan you may need to cook the eggplant in batches.) When the eggplants are nice and golden on each side, add the onion, garlic and basil and continue cooking for another couple of minutes. Feel free to add a little more oil to the pan if you feel it's getting too dry. Throw in the drained capers and the olives and drizzle over the balsamic vinegar. When all the vinegar has evaporated, add the tomatoes and simmer for around 15 minutes or until tender. Taste before serving and season if you need to with salt, pepper and a little more vinegar.

And it's just that easy and delicious.

Anne-Sophie Mutter, "Vivaldi, Four Seasons, Summer":

Sentry

2010-08-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

Repulsion is the sentry that guards the gate to all we most desire.

Salvador Dali

Despite my hopeful post of last night, I must admit lately I feel like a sentry on duty when it comes to issues with my Mom and how it affects my life. In the last couple of weeks she has had an especially tough time. I've been in touch with her every day. I've been hard at work trying to repulse any negativity so I can do both my work at the clinic and be available to meet her needs.

The last 48 hours really tested that. It's been small things, but often it's the smaller things that come one after the other that can push you over rather then one major event. We had a tough week at the clinic with several patient codes and deaths (very unusual). After we had cleared the last one, I went to leave for home and found my Jeep had a tire that had lost air pressure. Luckily there is a dealer close to the clinic and they took care of it so I could do the 35 mile drive. Got home, went with a friend on a local art walk and then found the tire was loosing pressure again. I had been parked at my bank and used their ATM machine, found out that I left my card in the reader (second time in a week, when I had never had it occur before in 7 years). Made it home and suddenly heard a string break on my large harp. Then got a call from someone I've been seeing to cancel our plans today. Sigh. Went to bed.

I got up this am. Sure enough the tire had lost significant pressure. Went to the dealer and the tide began to turn. They fixed the tire and washed my Jeep at no charge as apparently the loss of pressure was due to something they had missed when I had it in a couple of weeks ago. Found out that my harp string was located on a lever that we thought had been broken. Instead it was that the string had been installed wrong when they strung it last fall after building it. So it's fine. No need to make a trip to get the lever fixed. The someone called and we're getting together at a far better time next week, given the craziness of the morning into afternoon. The bank had my ATM card and I was able to get it without getting a new one. So the day ended up better. I even had a good catharsis with a friend to let go of some of the emotions concerning my Mom. I put on some Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings and got my groove on again after that.

So it's better and I'm breathing deeper again.

Hope all is well for all of you.

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, "Tell Me":

Old Habits and Then The New

2010-08-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

There are two types of habits:

ones which comfort us, and

ones which would be a comfort if we stopped.

Catherine Pulsifer

I'm finding times of stress force us if we're lucky to look at how we're living our lives. The last year has shown me that I'm living it far too safely to achieve some of the things I want. In other words, some bad and old habits have formed. So I'm trying new things, trying to view the world a little bit differently. Take more chances. Created a bucket list. Be more positive and indulge in more pleasures without the puritanical guilt that seems to be such a hallmark of being an American. And in taking more pleasure I find I have more energy to give and cope. I'm at the start of finding a deeper voice in art. Still love photography, but now shaking it up into mixed media. I haven't made time to take photos in recent months, so I'm trying to find things in the walks I take nightly around the neighborhood which I inhabit. I've formed a bad habit of not really seeing it and so maybe I'll find it again through the eye of my camera.

There are different connections with some people I've known for a while, some are ending, and I'm making new connections. So I'm working on forming "new habits". I'll let you know how it goes.

So what bad and old habits are you going to shake around?

Jeremy Fisher: "Cigarette":

And I Wandered and Danced....

2010-08-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and our doubts reassure us.

Jean-Pierre de Caussade

It's been a long while since my last post. As today is my birthday, I felt it time to resurface and speak a bit of my wanderings. After the last post due to a number of issues, life as I wanted to live it stopped. I went inside, did a good deal of reading, meditation and exploration about the direction of my life. There wasn't photography/art being done and music was sporadic. My mother was a on a plateau so I didn't have to travel....

The results have been amazing. In letting go and not trying to attempt to direct the direction of my life, the direction of my life became clearer. Some of the things that came, an opportunity to work with a collage artist in a workshop (I had been trying to do this for the last three years), an opportunity to use my music in a creative way at work in coming months and an series of intimate encounters with someone that taught me much.

I don't fully know what is next....I've been putting out the what I hope for and the how seems to come. I'll be going to Michigan again in a month to spend time with my Mom. We know her time is limited. She is entering into a round of chemotherapy to keep her going for a few more months (she hopes). I have hope for more travel in 2011 and perhaps a life/career change, but again I'm letting the sign posts guide me as I come to them rather then trying to map the whole journey.

So my last year has literally been about life and death. There has been and is a dying to the old, but the new rumba I have with life is incredible. I hope that I can model to others the steps I've learned.....

Jesse Cook, "La Rumba D'el Jefe":

The Path of Expectation

2010-04-03T08:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to them, from whom the painful blessings flow, we are waking up.

Rob Brezsny

As anyone who knows me or reads this blog may infer, I do a good deal of reflection, especially of the philosophical kind. The last weeks since I returned from Michigan have been no exception. After a difficult experience there I had to retrench and look at how I was approaching the process of my mother's terminal illness. And I realized something, I was on the path of expectation that every day was her last. As a result I was living life closed down and numbed out.

This morning I read a passage from Anne Dillard's, "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek" and it provoked even more thinking. Here is the passage:

"...We wake, if we ever wake at all, to mystery...beauty...."Seems like we're just set down here," a woman said to me recently, "and don't nobody know why."

There are morning pictures you dream as the final wave heaves you up on the sand to the bright light and drying air. You remember pressure and a curved sleep you rested against, soft, like a scallop in its shell. But the air hardens your skin; you stand; you leave the lighted shore to explore some dim headland, and soon you're lost in the leafy interior, intent, remembering nothing.

I still think of that...mornings when I wake. Things are tamer now, I sleep with the windows shut....my life is changed, but the memory remains of something powerful playing over me."

I'm returning to the task of waking up. Not to live the tame life, but to live the dreams I've had, to not let every day life numb me out, harden my skin and return me to a state of somnolent functioning.

In some very practical terms it means planning some time to connect to others and push my skills further. So I'm hoping to take a workshop in early June at Tassajara on Photography as Zen practice. Further I'm working on a road trip in September with my best friend that will lead us up the Northern California Coast to Oregon and perhaps as far as Seattle/Vancouver.

As I told a friend last night. I have to stop living in the furl of my mother's death and live in the unfurling of my life. It doesn't mean I'm not going to be denying the process, I'm just going to handle it differently.

So this has been a painful lesson to be learned, but as a result I am waking up even more.

David Bowie and The Arcade Fire, "Wake Up":

Lazy Sundays and Brunches

2010-03-28T16:41:00.001-07:00

You can't teach people to be lazy, they either have it or they don't.

Dagwood Bumstead

Sunday is usually the day I'm lazy. It's allows me to prepare a luxurious brunch. My dog and roommate have become big fans of this event. My pantry is full of possibilities for making it. The food section of the SF Chronicle is often an inspiration for these brunches. Today they didn't let me down. Here's what I made:

Meyer Lemon and Ricotta Puffed Pancakes with Macerated Strawberries

Serves 6 to 8

This light pancake is perfect for a spring brunch, served with the strawberries or other fresh fruit. It will collapse if it sits too long, so it's best presented straight from the oven. It's OK to use regular lemons, but Meyers will give a slightly sweeter flavor.

The macerated strawberries:

1 pint strawberries, hulled and sliced

2 tablespoons sugar, or to taste--

Squeeze of Meyer lemon juice, to taste

The pancake:

1 cup whole milk

4 eggs

1/3 cup sugar, + more for sprinkling on top

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons grated Meyer lemon zest (preferably on a microplane)

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

1/2 cup ricotta cheese1 teaspoon sugar

2 tablespoons heavy cream

Instructions: Preheat the oven to 400°

To macerate the strawberries, sprinkle the sugar and lemon juice, if using, over the fruit in a bowl and toss to coat. Depending on the sweetness of the strawberries, you'll need to adjust the amount of sugar and lemon. Set aside while you make the pancake.

Blend the milk, eggs, 1/3 cup sugar, vanilla, salt, flour and lemon zest in a blender until smooth, taking care not to overmix. Melt the butter in a 10-inch cast-iron or other ovenproof skillet over low heat on the stove, coating the sides of the pan as well as the bottom. Remove from heat and pour the batter into the skillet.Whisk the ricotta cheese with the sugar and heavy cream in a small bowl; drop by spoonfuls into the pancake batter, spacing it evenly throughout. Sprinkle a little granulated sugar on top.Place pan into the oven. Cook until the pancake is set and the top is puffed and golden, about 25 minutes.Cut into wedges, and serve immediately topped with the macerated strawberries and collected juices.

This was easy to make. After brunch Bella and Brian had their usual wrestle session, then collapsed to relax. I've just been catching up on my reading pile.

I found another Canadian flamenco guitarist whose music pairs well with a lazy Sunday. Hope

yours has been as good.

Johannes Linstead, "Cien Fuegos":

A Pause

2010-03-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

Bill Vaughn

After several days of being ko'ed by the flu, I ventured out this morning. I decided to take a few shots and my 3 year old neighbor came to investigate. She ended up deciding she was going to be a photographer too. With a little guidance she took a few shots of Bella my Springer. It was a great morning and after the last months a pause to look through the eyes of a three year old was just what the doctor ordered.

The Carpenters, "Bless the Beasts and the Children":

Perspective

2010-03-22T19:52:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth hanging on to.

Perspective is a fascinating thing. We can see the world in a certain way at one age and find it totally different at another. It can cause great joy or misery. It can create life or bring death. It can bring change to a nation or hold it wrapped in rigidity.

Yesterday one of the most important changes in recent history was wrought. Access to health care. Working in health care I heard opinions today that our President was an incredible visionary or a blinded fool who will bring this country to financial cataclysm. Whether the health care system that will be brought into being over the next few years will be all that supporters of the change hope it will or or disastrous as the proponents project it will remains to be seen....

What is my perspective? I see the glass as half full. The faith that I have in our country to address important issues and meet the needs of our people on a continuing basis has been met. That finally the long delayed policy of health care for all has become a record on which our next chapters will be written. My excitement lies in that the reality of universal health care for Americans begun and the product that emerges, will be much like our country unique, multi faceted and evolving. I have hope it will be a good thing.

What's your perspective?

Woody Guthrie, "This Land":

Seeds of Change

2010-03-12T16:47:00.001-08:00

Whether you tend a garden or not, you are the gardener of your own being, the seed of your destiny.

The Findhorn Community

The seeds of change have been flying around in my life since last fall. Some of them are beginning to grow in ways I never imagined. I cannot control the wind of change that blows or the seeds that fall. I can only nurture the growth from them being planted. Right now I know nothing of the what, how or why. I'm just being the gardener of my being. The harvest should be wonderful when it comes.

Jeremy Fisher has been a new favorite since I heard him late last fall at the Great Big Sea concert I attended. I'm been remiss in not sharing him, so since he is a troubadour planting seeds about his journey through life, this is the time.

Jeremy Fisher, "Jolene":

While There is Light, There Is Hope

2010-03-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Hope is the dream of a soul awake

French Proverb

Tomorrow I will return to California. It's hard as this past week has shown me things are changing with my Mom's health and the time is growing shorter. My hope now is for peace for her and my siblings. People have been asking me how I get through and handle what's going on. Simply I look for light and beauty whenever I can find it. For me besides the support of friends and others, that has been in my music, others music and photography. To say yes to the process of life in whatever it brings.

Susanna from Susanna's Sketchbook has a wonderful project called "Winged Messengers". She makes these lovely winged drawings with sayings on them. When someone requests them, she will send them to them. The recipient then takes the messenger and posts it somewhere for a positive effect. Photographs are then sent to Susanna who shares them. It's an incredible project and I felt when I saw this quote recently, my time had come to participate, so next month she will kindly be sending me some. She is an incredible artist and I count myself lucky to have come to know of her through her lovely blog.

So keep looking to the light and the beauty of inspiration...

Afro Celt Sound System, "Lovers of Light":

Fusion

2010-03-07T06:44:00.001-08:00

The true portrait of a woman is a fusion of what she thinks she is, what others think she is, what she really is and what she tries to be.

Dory Schary paraphrased

In the clinic where I work we have a good deal of people who are from the Phillipines. I was talking with one of them about music and my interest in what is known as world music and it's fusion. They gave me the name of a group that I hadn't had time to look up until this trip. So this morning I found them on YouTube and fell in love. The group is called Kadangyan and you can find out more about them here.

Their music inspired this photo. The morning dance of light on a stream that I hiked along. Hope you enjoy the music as much as I did.

Kadangyan:

Jesse Cook-The Second Time Around

2010-03-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

No quotes this time. Just another memory of a great concert. I decided to make the trip to Toronto to see Jesse Cook again, because I was curious about the contrast of what would be a much larger venue then the smaller one I had seen him at in October. Also being Toronto is his hometown, I had a feeling it would be even more lively. Turned out I was right. As much as I enjoyed the October show, this one was even more incredible.

I wasn't taking notes, so I cannot quote all the songs played, but can share some of the experience. It started with Bombay Diner which included a haunting flute played by Chris Church (another last minute learning experience). There were additional percussionists, an accordion player who hadn't been with him in the US due to issues with getting his citizenship and Amanda Martinez who sang with an aching beauty.

Where Jesse certainly has a structure that he uses in sharing experiences with his concert audience, this time you could tell there was more even more warmth and spontaneity. While he certainly 'moved well' in October....you could tell he may have been taking lessons from his wife who is a flamenco dancer. The boy can keep a great rhythm with his body (not something all musicians are good at surprisingly). He was a full participant in the Rumba Dance Party he always stirs the audience into sharing with the band. What was also moving was his genuine humility and delight with sharing his music with his hometown and his family/friends.

Again I took great joy in the camaraderie he shares with his band. There was an generosity, sense of fun and humor. An example of of this was when the audience was cheering Chris Church for his accomplish for learning the flute mentioned early. He ribbed him along the lines of "don't do that, he'll get a swelled head." It was said very tongue in cheek. Oh and did I mention that he took a turn at percussion? He admitted he was addicted to percussion in response to the question why he featured so much in his music. Makes me want to see what he would do with the Japanese drumming group, "Kodo".

He also joked about the success of "Cafe Mocha" in the States. He sees it just as one of his more obscure songs, nothing special. That is when it was being he found out it was going to be played on smooth jazz, he couldn't exactly figure out "how did the damn thing go to number one being it was neither smooth nor jazz". But he was clearly appreciative that it did.

The tenderest moment in the concert was when he shared about his family and former guitar teachers being there. He tried to get them to bring up the house lights so he could have his teacher(s) stand up, but they weren't able to oblige and he had to press forward. Press forward he did and it ended with us all on our feet dancing. You could tell that Toronto carries him in their hearts. Two standing ovations were done with the final one being "Cecilia". It brought us into the intimacy of his music and why he does what he does. I just count myself lucky for being weird enough to love his music (he spoke of his music being weird/off the beaten track and we must therefore be weird to follow him). His work inspires me to keep exploring world fusion music with my harp. And on that note, I cannot wait to see what his next explorations bring.

As I was walking out I overheard someone ask a question that I wished they had voiced during his usual question and answer session. They wanted to know where he found his inspirations and the musicians he works with. Now that would be a conversation worth having....

Thanks Jesse for the break from my Mom's stuff and the renewal....

Here's a look at the making of his current album, "The Rumba Foundation":

Winters End

2010-03-03T17:33:00.001-08:00

Your time has come,

now hasten little snowflakes,

To vanish quite away;

The spring-tide hours are sounding gentle warnings

Forbidding you to stay.

M.E. Hathaway

I'm back in Michigan. There was a crisis with my mother that ended with her in the hospital. At first they thought the cancer might have gone to her brain, but it turned out to be a issue with her chemotherapy, so she's back home. I'm here till early next week.

It was strange to be back in snow. When I arrived Friday in Detroit there was a snowstorm. As I drove up the freeway I saw several cars spun out. Must be like riding a bike though, I got my snow legs back and made it safely to the center of the state. Today with things with my Mom more settled, I took a hike in back of her senior complex where there is a lengthy bike path. I took the opportunity to grab photos of the familiar scenes of my childhood. The temperatures are warming up, so the folks here scent spring for the first time in the air. They are more then ready. I had to tell them, we've already been experiencing it for the last few weeks in California.

I'm going to Toronto overnight for a Jesse Cook concert on Friday. My way of keeping some balance.

Jesse Cook, "Dance of Spring":

The Heart Is A Crazy Organ

2010-02-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

funny I'm fallin', feels like flyin' for a little while....

Crazy Heart

I realized it's been a month since I posted. What can I say between working extra, healing from a broken love affair and just keeping up with what's going on with my Mom, it's been busy.

Today a friend and I got up early, walked to a downtown bistro for breakfast and then went over to see Crazy Heart. I adore Jeff Bridges and was just waiting for this movie to come out. If this doesn't finally get him the Oscar he deserves, I don't know what would. He's a talented guy in many arenas. I've also followed his photography for a number of years (he takes pictures on the sets of where he is filming and often posts them on his website).

The movie was also a great one for Valentine's day. Love is rarely smooth and you have to have a crazy heart to keep on trying to take chances on it and other things in life. To me what that means specifically is that it may seem crazy to keep taking chances when your world is challenged or shattered through caring about someone/thing, but with out it you'd be a burned out dried husk. Pretty much where Jeff Bridge's character 'Bad Blake' was headed....Taking a chance on love in this movie turned out to be his chance to bloom again, even in late middle age...

So I intend to let my heart be the crazy organ that it is, stay open and keep taking the chances that make this journey of life all worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you......

Jeff Bridges/Colin Farrell, "Fallin' and Flyin':

Contrast

2010-01-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

I try to contrast; life today is full of contrast

Gianni Versace

I flew into Michigan yesterday to begin what will be a pattern for my life for awhile. Coming out every 4-6 weeks to spend about 5-7 days each time during the last months of my Mom's life. I've been thinking much about what is happening right now and all I can think of is the ultimate contrast life and death is. I looked up these definitions:

the opposition or dissimilarity of things that are compared; "in contrast to", "by contrast"
the act of distinguishing by comparing differences
line: a conceptual separation or distinction;
put in opposition to show or emphasize differences;
the perceptual effect of the juxtaposition of very different colors
to show differences when compared; be different;
the range of optical density and tone on a photographic negative or print

I watched the light of the early morning sunlight hit the plane as I left San Jose and was inspired to grab my camera. As I went to sleep last night, the light coming through the blinds splashed on the wall facing me and again the patterns inspired me to pick it up. The rich contrast of light and dark resulting in such beautiful possiblity for image is always a source of inspiration and rumination.

During this period of time, I'm finding that the flavor of death is enriching my life. That is I'm more hypersensitive to the living of life and being in the moment. I'm doing more things, not putting them off and being more open with the people I care about. My Mom and I have also begun some very open conversations about this process we are both going through. But we are also laughing. An example of that was all of our lives when she has wanted one of us children she will go through a litany our all our 5 of names with it frequently ending, "damn it, one of you kids come here". She called for me this morning with the litany and I ended it just when she reached the last name by saying, "damn it, I'm coming there." We both got the giggles and couldn't stop. We agreed that if she didn't leave us with any other special mementos that we would record her saying that. There is also the taking of joy in just some simple routines like shopping and sharing a meal.

So I think Gianni Versace's quote today sums up where I'm at. I'll share more in the coming days. Thanks for being here for the ride.

Dixie Chicks, "Landslide":

Holiday Reflections

2009-12-24T20:06:00.000-08:00

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,

The gladness of Christmas give you hope,

The warmth of Christmas grant you love

In looking at the news, I'm happy I'm in California for Christmas Eve. I would have most likely been stranded in Houston if I had flown to Michigan today. There was joy in that I played holiday songs on my 36 string harp for our patients the last two days at work. It was hard to know who enjoyed it more, them or me. One of my older patients who spoke Spanish, would plead, "uno mas", every time I stopped. So yesterday I played three hours and today a total of four.

Tonight I joined with friends for dinner, called several family members and am now enjoy the quiet of the evening.

May your holidays be blessed....

Sarah McLachlan, "What Child Is This?":

Winter Solstice Reflections

2009-12-20T19:08:00.000-08:00

Out of Darkness Light is Re-born. Carry the hope of this moment like a torch in your heart through the coming year. Let it sustain you in your times of darkness, and be a symbol of blessing in your times of joy. Let Peace be with you.

Many people dread the night. They see it as a dangerous time filled with all sorts of negative happenings. I've always loved the night. My natural body clock keeps me up into the late hours of the night whenever possible. Similarly I've never hated winter, I've become familiar with it as a time of rest, coziness, and celebration. As a child I would go to a tree farm with my parents and bring back a fresh pine and decorate it in mid-December. In the weeks after they would find me up in the middle of the night lying next to the tree, contemplating the glow of the lights in the darkness. So it no wonder that as an adult, Winter Solstice and the time surrounding it has become my favorite “holiday period”.

Winter Solstice when the day light fades into twilight and is followed by the longest night of the year. This is my peaceful time of year....Especially now in the midst of the feeding frenzy of shopping, electronic noise and busyness. It is the pause which contemplates possibility. The loudness of my life quiets into the silence of what has been and what could be, centered in the moment of now.

It is the certainty of ending and the uncertainty of new beginnings. It is letting go of the dread and allowing the birth of hope. It is the awareness of your smallness that is connected to the largeness of all that is. It is the allowing of turmoil to quiet and that of insight to emerge. It is the journeying from outer landscapes to that of the inner. It is the connection between the moments of light and dark.

It is sensual and ultimately fecund. The night fire of creation seduces and warms with its glow. And the seeds of genesis are laid into the womb of time and allowed to grow. To be brought into the light when the time is right for the birth.

This year as never before I'm aware of the cycle of death and rebirth. Tonight I will walk into the dark, contemplate, breathe and reflect. I will seek acceptance in the union of seemingly opposites. I will acknowledge both the fragility and strength of life. I will be and rest in the heartbeat of the eternal.

What will your Winter Solstice be?

Katerina El Haj, "Yule Song-Winter Solstice-What Night Is This?":

Reflections on Change

2009-12-19T20:51:00.001-08:00

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender who you are for what you could become.

Change has been on my mind. While I've been writing about making some major changes the last couple of years, I've been dragging my heels about it. As a psychologist I studied under who looks at why people make change would tell us...."People only make change when they become more uncomfortable with who they are or the circumstances they are in then comfortable." Well I've become more uncomfortable so change is upon me. After my mother had the initial diagnosis of cancer, someone I know recommended I read "Refuge" by Terry Tempest Williams. It arrived last week and I finally sat down to begin it. In three paragraphs she captured something I had been feeling since summer....I will share it here:

It's strange to feel change come. It's easy to ignore. An underlying restlessness seems to accompany it like birds flocking before a storm. We go about our business with the usual alacrity, while in the pit of our stomach there is a sense of something tenuous.

These moments of peripheral perceptions are short, sharp flashes of insight we tend to discount like seeing the movement of an animal from the corner of our eye. We turn and there is nothing there. They are the strong and subtle impressions we allow to slip away.

I had been feeling fey for months.

Change is upon me whether I would have it or not. Now the question is how to handle the change and thus reflection, but I think first I will have to ask the questions before I can get to the reflection ...

There have been so many people who have given me support in the last weeks and for their presence in my life as I go through this time of change, I give thanks.

George Winston, "Thanksgiving":

Gifts and Small Miracles

2009-12-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

I will not die an unlived life

I will not live in fear

of falling or catching fire

I choose to inhabit my days,

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid,

more accessible;

to loosen my heart

until it becomes a wing,

a torch a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,

to live so that which came to me as a seed

goes next as a blossom,

and that which came to me as blossom,

goes on as fruit.

Dawna Markova

The gift of my mother's diagnosis has been to explode my consciousness about the preciousness of the time we have. I've been trying to mold the clay of life into something new over the last couple of years. The diagnosis is the catalyst that is making me stop trying and now began doing.

The poem above came to me last week as another gift and I ordered the book that about the poem. Today the book arrived. When I had gone to my PO Box, there was a slip telling me I I had to go into the main body of the post office to retrieve it. It had been a long day and I was debating whether to go into get it as there were long lines. A postal employee opened a door saw me standing there with yellow pick up slip in hand and she if she could get the package for me. Gratefully I surrendered the slip to her. When she came back I told her she was my gift and little miracle today. In six years of having my PO Box, I have never had anyone open that door during business hours. She look startled and then thanked me saying that I had made her day on a tough day.

So gifts and miracles do happen, we just have to be accessible for them to arrive.

Jim Brickman and Martina McBride, "The Gift":

Balance and Breathe

2009-12-14T18:59:00.001-08:00

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

I returned to work today. It was harder in some ways then I thought. But as I told several people, my mantra is balance and breathe. The hardest thing about balance today was I had hoped to arrange to go to Michigan at the last minute for the holidays. I got the Christmas schedule to work out, but tickets from Northern California to Detroit, not doable at this late date due to the astronomical cost and my limited budget. So I took a deep breath and reminded myself I'll be going out in a little over three weeks to spend a week then. It's amazing that I can buy 3 tickets at this point for the cost of what one is going for now. However, I'm working to get my Mom set up with a webcam and I'm hoping I can "spend" the day with her and my siblings via that.

When I spoke to people today about my mother's diagnosis, there was usually a look of helplessness and a I'm so sorry response. The best response was from a woman I've worked with off and on for the last two years. She just looked at me, pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight. That said and helped more then anything so far.

This star came from a trip I took with my Mom a couple of years ago. I look at it and hope that the light of stars shine for her in this season....

For my Mom because she loves singers from this era:

Tennessee Ernie Ford, "The Star Carol":

Traveling This Wilderness

2009-12-12T18:01:00.001-08:00

Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit

Edward Abbey

People have offered me several opinions on how to handle my mother's diagnosis spiritually. I don't practice any one belief system, but I do know when I go to the wilderness, there I find my "church". It's where I was last weekend and soon as the weather clears where I will be again with my camera. Sitting on the rocks and listening to the wind blow, stillness comes and for awhile I'll find my center and can return to travel the paths that are in front of me.

Handel's Messiah, "Comfort...Every Valley":

Ending and Beginning

2009-12-11T19:51:00.001-08:00

Every end is a new beginning

Proverb

This week brought the news that my mother has terminal lung cancer. The hope is that she will have six months to a year. It's a strange place to be. I've worked in hospice and I know what it will mean intellectually, but now I'm making this journey emotionally and spiritually. It's been a week of a variety of emotions.

I had taken the week off, because I had a sense that this was coming. I went to a remote area of the Eastern Sierra Nevadas. It seemed appropriate to be in what is considered a high desert valley. And there I found peace to begin this new journey. The one thing that I know is that I have to say yes to this process as passionately as any that I have experienced before. That may seem strange, but what I mean is that to deny that death is part of what life is, is to be a naive child. You must embrace the reality and deal with it as much as you would any part of being alive. So this week I have worked on setting up a routine which involves journaling, yoga, walking with my dog even more, talking with friends, loving and most of all being open with my mother/siblings about how we are doing on this journey that we are now on together.

I'll be returning to work next week. It will be strange to be working with others emotional needs at a time when I must more than at any other time in my life understand my own so as to be able to do said work.

The solstice is approaching and this year I understand more then ever a poem that I read every year.

Winter Solstice

when you startle awake in the dark morning

heart pounding breathing fast

sitting bolt upright staring into

dark whirlpool black hole

feeling its suction

get out of bed

knock at the door of your nearest friend

ask to lie down beside ask to be held

listen while whispered words

turn the hole into deep night sky

stars close together

winter moon rising over white fields

nearby a wren rustling dry leaves

distant owl echoing

two people walking up the road laughing

let your soul laugh

let your heart sigh out

that long held breath so hollow in your stomach

so swollen in your throat

already light is returning pairs of wings

lift softly off your eyelids one by one

each feathered edge clearer between you

and the pearl veil of day

you have nothing to do but live

Jody Aliesan

Grief Sweat

Mediaeval Baebes, "The Holly and the Ivy":

And Then The Clouds Appeared....

2009-11-20T20:11:00.001-08:00

Hope is faith holding it's hand out in the darkness.

George Ils

I didn't think I would be posting this soon. Today I got a call that every adult dreads about an aging parent. I found out my mother has adenocarcinoma. More commonly known as lung cancer. They still have to do another biopsy to find out what stage it is in before the prognosis is certain. I'd known about the possibility of this for over a month, but the shock is still there.

I've gone through many emotions today as I've talked to my mother, siblings and friends. Numbness, denial, anger...all the classics. But I found some light and hope. The light was that originally I was supposed to be away this weekend. And I've worked the last several Fridays. I've had the space today to process this and I've had wonderful loving support from people around me. The hope is that despite the fact they cannot operate to remove the tumors due to my mother's other health issues, that they will be able to treat it successfully through other means.

It's been tough though. I've been both a professional educating my siblings about how people react to the news, the stages of grieving (I used to work for hospice programs) and a daughter scared to my core at the possibility of losing my mother. I've encouraged my sisters to find balance, to accept the support of those around and to most of all just take it one moment at a time. They've given me their love and care in return. Again the light in the clouds of this event, I'm not alone...I have so many people who care for me and I give thanks for that.

Namaste.

Loreena McKennitt, "In the Bleak Midwinter":

No Cares.....

2009-11-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.

Beverly Sills

The last few weeks have been a challenge (aging parents, relationships, work etc), but I've been facing them with a surprising level of insight, hope and some laughter at life's absurdities. It's admitting that there are cares, but not letting them pull you into a sea of despair and drown you that make all the difference. Life is full of possibilities and if you see the challenges as a way of teaching about these possibilities, then you'll make it through. My harp playing and photography are growing by leaps and bounds as I use them to help work through the cares. Not to mention I've been doing comfort food recipes out of magazines. Roasted root veggies, fall stews, spiced cider anyone?

I'm going to see Great Big Sea this Sunday. Cannot believe it's been 12 years since I encountered their music when I was doing a charity bike ride in Nova Scotia (one of the most gorgeous spots on the earth). I was able to change my ticket as the first venue decided to do primarily "stand up" seating. Don't mind getting out of my seat to dance, but I like to have a seat. Besides that because everyone wants to see the band up close and personal, I've ended up being close and personal with peoples body parts that I'd rather not have been. At least not without having an introduction and drink first . Anyway, I opted to see them in Santa Cruz instead. In all my time in California I've never made it to there, so will be poking around for the day before the concert.

Great Big Sea, "Sea of No Cares":

Endings

2009-11-02T20:01:00.001-08:00

In my end is my beginning.

T. S. Eliot

It's sometimes hard to admit a need for an ending. This trip to Michigan has been about ending a long time pattern of behavior in relation to one of my family members. I've done what I can and can only do what the individual will accept. It is time to admit this and move on with the beginnings of some new things in my life.....

Time to go back to California, rock on and celebrate saying yes to life...

Samba Squad, "Rock Me in the Cradle":

Reflections Morro Bay

2009-10-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.

Peter F. Drucker

I picked up the harp earlier this week. My teacher went with me and we stayed overnight in Morro Bay. Beautiful area. The morning was misty and the bird calls rang out over the water as we walked in the early light. Our time there was very brief so it's a location I hope to return to in a few months.

Michigan is next on the travel agenda. I'll leave for there in a couple of days. Will post more from there if I have time. Still groovin on Jesse Cook, so here is some more from him.

Jesse Cook, "Europa":

October Road Trip 4...Manzanar Part 2

2009-10-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

There are stars who's light only reaches the earth long after they have fallen apart. There are people who's remembrance gives light in this world, long after they have passed away. This light shines in our darkest nights on the road we must follow.

The stark beauty and remembrance of Manzanar remains two weeks later. I will be going back and learning more. I encourage anyone who is in that area to visit and remain unchanged....

I will be going on another road trip this weekend. I hope you have a good one and enjoy the richness of life....

Nickelback, "If Today Was Your Last Day":

October Road Trip 3...Manzanar Part 1

2009-10-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

Papa’s life ended at Manzanar... Until this trip I had not been able to admit that my own life really began there

Farewell to Manzanar

Something about Manzanar compels me. I have been drawn to it twice and plan to return yet again. It's not that there are enormous ruins, or that they have significant beauty....perhaps it is a spiritual resonance about the place. Perhaps it is the lessons that it has to teach that aren't immediately visible, but only come from spending some time there, perhaps in hope you can reach across the generations and only by touching on some aspect of their life there one began to understand something of the aforementioned lessons...

Perhaps it doesn't matter and it's simply bearing witness to what was.....

Alison Krauss, "It Doesn't Matter":

October Road Trip 2...Bodie and Fragments

2009-10-12T20:16:00.001-07:00

When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly

Patrick Overton

Finally I found myself in Bodie again. As always the question becomes what to photograph as there is so much. What intrigued me was the fragments that were everywhere and so although I did some panoramic shots, I set out to take some photos of the fragments. As I looked at them, I considered what lead people to Bodie, to settle in an area so desolate. Yes, gold was the obvious motivator, but there were also more subtle reasons. And then what kept them there, what were their life's like? Bodie was known as a den of iniquity, but significant relationships developed and were part of life there...the fragments of these life's exposed themselves when you looked...Who knew that my mind set around relationship would lead to the unexpected factor of the weekend that happened.

I'll share more photos of what I found at Manzanar next post. As for the rest, we'll see.

Deborah Henson-Conant and the Grand Rapids Symphony, "Baroque Flamenco":

Jesse Cook Rumbas Through Part Two

2009-10-11T01:52:00.000-07:00

One last post on Jesse Cook and I'll return to the road trip. As I indicated yesterday, one of the delights of the concert is the rapport between Jesse and his band. Also the rapport the band members have with each other. You can tell they've been on the road together as there is an ease and familiarity that can only come from that long time association. However familiarity doesn't keep the music from being fresh. You get the sense for them, they're able to play it as if it were the first time. However there was an interesting first of sorts. Jesse takes and seeks fusion with another musician(s) for inspiration with each album he produces. This time he ended up in Columbia with a very special group. As part of that an accordion was needed. Since the group couldn't tour, Chris Church learned to play the accordion in two weeks. You'd never know, it seemed like he was born with the instrument in his hands.

So again if Jesse and his band comes anywhere near your town, seek him out. Especially on this tour, as he terms it, "a rumba party" will be yours.

I'll share one of his remakes of a Crowded House tune. It is the best version I've ever heard and it resonates for me as a result of a very special meeting on my trip last weekend (I'll share more next post).

Jesse Cook, "Fall At Your Feet":

Jesse Cook Rumbas Through Part One

2009-10-10T02:11:00.001-07:00

I'm breaking format for a couple of days. Last night Jesse Cook was in town. Luck was with me and I was able combine my two passions photography and music. The concert was even better then last year and I lucked out with a second row left orchestra seat that was perfect for shooting. The music was phenomenal. As a musician I love to watch the interplay between band members and you could tell these guys loved being together. It was intimate, sensual and stirring. He played several tunes from his new CD, "The Rumba Foundation" which I've had on my Walkman since it was released last week. If anyone left the concert disappointed last night they weren't at the same one I was.

I took a good deal of photos and did a few in black and white. I'll do some color tomorrow. He is out on tour for the next several months and I would encourage anyone to see him. It will be one of the best concerts you ever attend.

I'll include one of the tunes (again) that brought me to attention about him as an artist oh so many years ago.

Jesse Cook, "Tempest":

October Road Trip 1...Mono Lake and Moonlight Madness

2009-10-07T19:50:00.001-07:00

The loveliest faces are to be seen by moonlight

Persian saying

My trip this weekend ended up something that I didn't expect. Something wonderful, life changing and I'm still processing it, so will let that clue be all for the moment. All I can say is moonlight madness was part of the trip. I did several photos taken this weekend, but not all I had planned.

I was at Mono Lake later then I planned, but still got a few good shots of the moon and happier about this set of shots, then the ones I had taken a year ago. The weather was clear and several photographers were out and about.

Summer Then Fall

2009-09-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

Just before the death of flowers,

There comes a festival season

When nature is all aglow.

Author Unknown

Last week Fall arrived officially. Not for us. It was 100 degrees. Today Fall arrived. It dropped down to the 70s. But it is the kind of day (even though it will get summer warm again here) that let's you know that sweaters can come out soon, you think of pumpkin pie (bought the ice cream flavor at the store tonight), you smell smoke wafting out from fireplaces and you know the change is really coming.

Getting ready to go on my photo trip this weekend, I realized I had some others photos I hadn't really worked with and found the contrast between summer beginning to end and fall beginning. So here they are. Also spent some time listening to an incredible woman who plays a Camac Baby Blue Electric Harp. I know what harp I want next. I'll be including some of her stuff from some work she did with the Grand Rapids Symphony a few years ago....

Deborah Henson-Conant with the Grand Rapids Symphony, "The Nightingale":

Light Studies with the Harp

2009-09-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

Her thin fingers, moving

In the thin, tall strings,

Were weav-weav-weaving

Wonderful things

Edna Vincent St. Millay

I was working with my harp late this afternoon and the sun came through our new blinds hitting it. Enthralled I grabbed my camera and shot a series of light studies. I cannot say that I thought out the shots greatly, I just shot intuitively, much the way I live life. I was pleased with what came out.

It's a great warm up for the photo trip I'm taking next weekend to the Eastern Sierra Nevadas. This one is on my own. Just the camera and I getting some in-depth time together that we haven't had for a few months.

In about three weeks, I'll be going to get my "forever harp" that I had Triplett Harps build for me. Finally, I've been waiting since March for it. Another harper I admire, Lisa Lynne also plays Triplett Harps so I'll share some of her work...

Lisa Lynne and Friends, "Celebration 2009":

Tuesday....

2009-09-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

early on Tuesday, we could be driving, we could be far away from here

Jesse Cook

Ever wake up with an urge to go somewhere instead of work? Today was that day. It was the call of the beach...I just wanted the ocean. Instead I had to go to work (happy to have it in today's world, but...) for many meetings in a windowless conference room...I'm still having the beach siren sing to me, so may have to go for a drive this weekend.

Isn't it great to be somewhere where I'm an hour and a half from the ocean and two from the mountains.....

Hope everyone else is doing well out there....

Jesse Cook, "Early on Tuesday":

When I'm Up...Life is Flowering

2009-09-13T16:32:00.001-07:00

She is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower

Mary Howlitt

Sometimes a theme forms in a week. This week the theme was music and trips. Over the next two/three months, I'm going to be a busy girl. Found out two of my favorite Canadian artists, Jesse Cook and Great Big Sea are coming for concerts. Having seen Jesse here where I live I wasn't going to miss him again. Then I found out Great Big Sea will be in Petaluma in November and having waited 10 years for my schedule to intersect with theirs, I was determined to go. So I have a hotel room and ticket as it's a couple of hours from here, so I'm making a photo weekend out of it as the Point Reyes National Seashore is also there.

I'm also heading to Bodie and Bishop at the end of the month to photograph on my own as the last time was with groups and I didn't get to do what I really wanted to do. I'm also going to be going to the Central Coast to pick up my new Bubinga wood harp and to photograph the folks at Triplett Harps sometime in about a month or so. And I'm returning to Michigan/Canada at the end of October.

So I'm looking forward to getting my phototrigger finger shooting and my toes tapping...

Great Big Sea, "When I'm Up":

Dad's Packard Clipper

2009-09-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not old, I'm just a classic

Seen on a T-Shirt

My dad has an original 1955 Packard Clipper Custom. I never appreciated classic cars so much as I have since I started photography. Although he didn't have his Packard styled up for a shoot, I took a few shots and intend to take some better ones when I return next month.

Ironically this car came from California and only has 46,000 miles on it with all the original options/paint. He found it some years back and said he had never fallen in love so fast. He brought it home and it has been with him ever since. He occasionally takes it to classic car shows and he said he has to wipe the drool off from the car from guys who are enthralled with it.

So on this Labor Day Weekend here's to Dad, who in his retirement from the automobile industry has a car he can really enjoy after all those years.

Because Steel Wheels is one of my favorite Rolling Stones albums and this is great version of my most loved song from it, not to mention it's a awesome driving song....

Rolling Stones, "Mixed Emotions (12 inch version)":

A Festival + Friends = Fun

2009-09-01T20:58:00.001-07:00

Over hill, over dale,

Thorough bush, thorough brier,

Over park, over pale,

Thorough flood, thorough fire,

I do wander everywhere.

A Midsummer Night's Dream, 2. 1

I owe a great debt to the Stratford Shakespeare Festival (Stratford Ontario), it introduced me to live professional drama. My sophomore year, the high school drama teacher took a group of us to see George Bernard Shaw's "St Joan". It was done on the Festival Theatre's thrust stage and the rest was history as they say. Since that time I have returned on many occasions including two in which I had the pleasure of introducing my niece and then nephew to what they had to offer.

In recent times I have been to see an actor perform whom I became acquainted with 13 years ago. This year he was to perform in A Midsummer Night's Dream, Julius Ceasar and Macbeth. Geriant Wyn Davies. So when a group of friends decided to go my birthday weekend in August it was the perfect opportunity to share a hallmark birthday and to see some great drama.

We saw 2 plays on my birthday. Macbeth (Ger played Duncan) and A Midsummer Night's Dream (his role here was Bottom). Macbeth was the disappointment. In fact I fell asleep in the act just before intermission! I felt guilty as I've never fallen asleep at a production until I found 2 others in our group had dozed too. A Midsummer's Night Dream was the opposite in the evening. I laughed until tears rolled down my face. It was the first night it was performed and I loved it. Wish the critics had as much as our group, but what can you say it's not often that audiences and critics find common ground. On the second day we saw Julius Ceasar (Ger played Ceasar). It was well done, but not my favorite. Then on Sunday we saw Phedre another well conceived/acted production.

In between all of the plays we ate great food, met wonderful friendly people and just relaxed. We were staying at a B&B called Serenity run by an older couple who were a delight. Originally from the Netherlands (I believe), they fed us and took care of us like we were long lost children. We didn't want to leave.

I'm excited that I will see the closing performance of "A Midnight Summer's Dream" since I have to return to Michigan in late October. I would encourage anyone to go to Stratford. They have world class productions and rival anything I've seen done on Broadway or the West End in London.

Even though I didn't like this production of Macbeth, this was the only clip I could find that included Ger...

Stratford Shakespeare Festival 2009, "Macbeth":

Here and There

2009-08-31T18:11:00.001-07:00

The beginning and the end reach out their hands to each other

Chinese Proverb

I returned to Michigan for two weeks and spent time in Canada as well. It was a good trip. I finally made some decisions that I have been mulling over. My parents are aging and I want to be closer to them, so a move to the East Coast is what is needed. I'm in the process of moving my license so I can practice there. But even that will be a temporary thing. I thought about my relationship with photography and I've decided (not a surprise), I don't want to pursue it as a full time profession. Instead, I want to keep it as my art. But I do know I want to get out of the field I have been in for the last two decades. To this end, I've decided to get an Master's in Library Science through an online program. I've worked in libraries, love various aspects of the work and know it will provide me with an income and it is flexible. So I'll be setting up for that. And of course I will continue to travel....

I had a wonderful time with my parents. They are divorced. My father has his home on a private lake and continues to have a garden. The photos above are of his hands and produce that was out. We had a incredible insightful visit. Much the same occurred with my mother.

I'll share more on my trip to Stratford and time with friends in my next post.

I redid my blog a bit. The new photo is of a single car bridge just outside the small town where I grew up. It was decommissioned a few years ago, but remains up. I remember the first time I drove over it during driver's training...it had scared me to death and to cross it driving was a huge victory for me. It taught me about having the courage to face your fears, about how something that seemed so huge and overwhelming is really something quite small. I walked over it, revisited some memories and got some wonderful shots. It also reminded me of journeys and the endings/beginnings that are part of the process of taking them.

Finally the song I selected is as you know from one of my favorite groups, Great Big Sea. Although it is about the separation of lover's from each other, there seemed to be an allegory about being separated from the ones who I love the most and it fit the mood of the past few months...

Great Big Sea, "Boston and St. John's":

Where Have I Been?

2009-07-27T18:59:00.001-07:00

Because everything we say and do is the length and shadow of our own souls, our influence is determined by the quality of our being.

Dale Turner

So where have I been? Just being and thinking about life as I approach a signficant birthday. Keeping busy with work and learning harp. Not as much photography as I might have liked, but I'm getting ready to leave for Michigan to spend time with my family and to go to Canada to spend my birthday with friends. I hope to get some inspiration for a new series of photographs.

This black and white photo was done while watching the sun pound onto our patio during a 100 degree plus day. It returned me to the beginnings...and speaking of beginnings, been listening to Miles Davis as I contemplated life....one of my favorites...

Miles Davis "Flamenco Sketches":

Fava Fabulous

2009-05-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Many organic practices simply make sense, regardless of what overall agricultural system is used. Far from being a quaint throwback to an earlier time, organic agriculture is proving to be a serious contender in modern farming and a more environmentally sustainable system over the long term.

David Suzuki

Meet Brian. He is one of the organic farmer's at my local market. He wasn't there last week so I was happy to see him today. Included in his offerings were fava beans and red torpedo onions. Often he offers recipes to go with what he has brought in. Today it included a fava bean salad recipe.

I was at the market when it opened today as my area of Cali is going to hit the triple digits this weekend. More and more I am letting what is in season inspire what I will eat for the coming week. As I knew I didn't want even fire up the grill this weekend, I decided to look for items that would make an easy alfresco dining experience. Local farm cheeses, foccacio rolls, fresh roasted beef and baby arugula were piled into my basket along with a local olive oil, vinegar, cherries, apricots, strawberries and a raspberry mini bundt cake. Not to mention an almond croissant to take home for breakfast.

After I arrived home I made a pot of Teeccino, a wonderful coffee substitute to me that tastes amazingly like a coffee (due to a medical problem I cannot drink coffee for the time being) took a cup of it and sat out in the early morning sunshine on my brick patio (it feels somewhat Tuscan in nature) to shell the beans. It took me back to my childhood years of my Midwestern farm life. Back then I hated the labor of having to shell beans, but now I've come to appreciate the simple comfort of preparing food. The smells of the beans were fresh and hinted of a sweet grass. The birds were singing, a gentle breeze touched the trees which hang over the patio wall and Bella sat at my feet eagerly hoping for a taste.

The salad awaits in the refrigerator, I am taking it easy and catching up with the reading pile I have. I hope your weekend is a enjoyable one.

Brian's Fava Bean and Feta Salad

The delicate flavor of fresh favas in this simple salad is worth the extra time it takes to shell the beans. It takes about 3 or 4 pounds of beans to begin with, if you are buying the favas in their spongy pods. With the pods removed, it should yield 2 1/2 to 3 cups of beans.

2 1/2 to 3 cups of fresh fava beans, shelled and rinsed
1/3 cup of red torpido onion, sliced thin
2/3 cup crumbled feta cheese
1/4 cup Italian style or oil & vinegar salad dressing

Blanch favas in 4 quarts of boiling water for about 2-3 minutes until tender and slight bitterness is removed. Rinse in cold water and drain well. Depending on our preference, you may go one step further and remove the soft outer shell by gently squeezing the beans to pop the tender, brighter green portions out, but the lighter green outside portion is perfectly edible. In a medium bowl, toss onion , feta and salad dressing. Add drained beans and toss. Add more dressing if needed. Chill before serving.

Serves 4.

Cat Power, "Where Is My Love?":

Farmer's Market Faces

2009-05-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

The Farmer's Market is the slowly turning Lazy Susan of the seasons.

Alice Waters via John Hollander

Early this morning new camera and lens in hand, I went to my local farmer's market that had just opened again last week. I was eager to see if the old faces were still there and if any new had been added. Most of my favorites had returned with a few new faces added. I have always loved farmer's markets and seek them out wherever I visit. However, now during this time of recession, I especially want to support the individual farmer. Fortunately other people are still supporting the farmer's market and it was packed.

The stands were full of strawberries, cherries, last fall's nut crop, asparagus, eggs, cheeses, oils, meats, bakers....Let's just say the 2 bags I brought with me were stuffed to the gills by the time I left. My favorite organic farmer's Charley and Ellie had brought black tuscan kale and told me how to steam for a minute, then saute it with garlic, a smidgen of butter and some olive oil. It turned out to be the perfect counterpoint to some chicken tamales I had picked up for dinner.

So find your local farmer's market, it will open up your senses and you will probably make some great friends.

John Mellencamp, "Rain On the Scarecrow":

Light

2009-05-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

Light can be gentle, dangerous, dreamlike, bare, living, dead, misty, clear, hot, dark, violet, springlike, falling, straight, sensual, limited, poisonous, calm and soft.

Sven Nykvist

I've not been around much because I've been learning and playing with light. As I said in my last post I want to take my photography to a new level. And light is the key. I've been out in the early morning mists, sitting in the late afternoon sun, staring at the midnight stars...Light is a match for human nature, just when you think you understand it, it changes again.

The more I learn I realize the less I know, but I will keep coming back for the lessons.

Anne Lennox, "Shining Light":

Lucky

2009-04-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity

Seneca

I was lucky this week in that an unexpected opportunity brought me the Olympus E-3 I've been wanting. It's a demo model, but it looks brand new. I picked it up late this afternoon and it's been love at first sight. It will challenge me to pick up my game. I had gone out earlier this morning into the foothills to photograph and was lucky to find some great shots. One of which is todays theme. There was also great food. In a small town I stopped at what was a burger drive in and had the most wonderful burger, crinkle fries and a cherry coke (they put in the syrup). They had a couple of small pet roosters who would come up to the diners at the picnic tables to investigate what was on the menu in terms of stray crumbs. On my way home I stopped at a sausage shop in another small town. It was packed. They had almost every kind of sausage you could think of made fresh on the premises. Again I was lucky and a couple of guys in line who were regulars guided me through a selection to take home. Fresh apple sausage and waffles are now on the menu for tomorrow morning.

As I drove on my adventure this morning and home this afternoon, I reflected how lucky I am to have a job that has some flexibility in that I have a four day work week. That I have my health, people who care about me, that I can do things I love and I have so many opportunities everyday to find enjoyment in life.

I hope others can be as lucky.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "You Got Lucky":

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Uneasy Sentinels

2009-04-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

People just don't have a clear understanding of nuclear energy and how it works. It's not something you see every day or talk about every day.

Rita Sipe

A few weeks ago on a trip with friends we went the wrong way and suddenly thrusting up from the valley grass lands were a couple of eerie towers. Right away I thought nuclear power plant, my friends weren't sure. So I researched them knowing I would be heading that way. Sure enough, it was the cooling towers from the decommissioned Rancho Seco Nuclear Generating Station. As I went to a photo shoot that didn't work out (that's another horror story) nearby, I decided to visit it again as there is a County Park at it's edge now.

I am a child of the nuclear era, i.e. very much educated over the risks and horrors of what nuclear energy/weapons can engender. Today there seems to be a much more blase attitude about it. This week nuclear issues were in the news. Out of curiosity I asked some younger twenty somethings that I ended up with today what they knew about Three Mile Island, Chernobyl and so on. It was scary how many of them didn't have a clue as to what had happened or even what a nuclear accident could mean. They perceived me as some sort of alarmist, i.e. that I questioned the use of nuclear energy. Further several said that they trusted the government to take of the issues with it and thought it really quite safe. It was worrisome to me. I really hope they are not representative of their generation.

The Rancho Seco cooling towers stand over a green rich land. They are uneasy sentinels, a reminder of a past attempt that failed. I hope some of the individuals I talked to, went home and looked up some history and will begin to understand what it means to their future. My father taught me to be a steward of the earth and so I will continue to question how we can met our present needs without sacrificing the next generation's legacy.

Bonnie Raitt, Jackson Browne, Graham Nash, Keb'Mo' and Ben Harper, "For What It's Worth":

Déjà Vu or Stranger in A Strange Land

2009-03-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

I was a stranger in a strange land

Biblical Saying

We've all had the feeling of déjà vu, to quote: the experience of déjà vu is usually accompanied by a compelling sense of familiarity, and also a sense of "eeriness," "strangeness," or "weirdness. Well looking through my lens and finding this plant echoed that the theme of the strangeness or weirdness. It's a plant you expect to find on a third rate science fiction movie from the fifties. In this case lots of trees and flowering plants and then this enormous mass of weirdness. It's as if it's a stranger in a strange land. Kind of a good theme for today...that is ever feel that way about life's landscape some Mondays? If so, come on tell me all about it....I know I can't be the only one feeling like today was about being a stranger in a strange land.

Leon Russell, "Stranger In A Strange Land":

Time, Art, And Money

2009-03-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Our lives seem to live us, to possess their own bizarre momentum, to carry us away
Sogyal Rinpoche

A busy unusual week with many things happening. Art, work, and time are all themes that have been swirling through my head this week. Art in that I've been in the deep of making it again. Work in that it is no longer about my professional career and advancement. Rather now I find satisfaction in it because it is the means that allows me to pursue my art. Finally time and what it means in finding the balance between working/doing art.

Interestingly enough when ever I talk about my photography, mixed media work or music, the topic that most often comes up is how will you use it to make money and there in lies a dilemma. I've come to realize that I don't want to do my art based on others expectations. That is I want to share the world as I see it and if at some point I'm lucky enough people may want to buy the representation of what I am trying to share. However, this isn't my goal.

Believe me, I am not putting down artists who make their art through the process of trying to interpret what others want from them and filtering it through their vision. If I were in a different phase of life and not long in the working world, I would have no problem pursuing that path. But I have been in the working world for many years and at this phase of my life I am more about the sharing the vision I have with others. In other words my work is a means that is allowing me to create because I can earn my income there and said income allows me to purchase things I need to create art and to take care of the mundane realities of life.

I was inspired by a paragraph in a book I'm rereading entitled "Marry Your Muse" by Jan Phillips....

To be an artist it is not necessary to make a living from our creations. Nor is it necessary to have work hanging in fine museums or the praise of critics. It is not necessary that we are published or that famous people own our work. To be an artist it is necessary to live with our eyes wide open, to breathe in the colors of mountain and sky, to know the sound of leaves rustling, the smell of snow, the texture of bark. It is necessary to rub our hands all over life, to sing when and where we want, to take in every detail, and to jump when we get to the edge of the cliff. To be an artist is to notice every beautiful and tragic thing, to cry freely, to collect experience and shape it into forms others can share.

The photo I took today seemed to represent collecting experience and sharing it. That is a few weeks ago I shared a fresh new flower in the blog. Today I took the time to look more closely at it and somehow found it more eerily beautiful then it was then. And it reminded me about time passages, life and the making of art.

Al Stewart, "Time Passages":