And Then The Clouds Appeared....

Hope is faith holding it's hand out in the darkness.

George Ils

I didn't think I would be posting this soon. Today I got a call that every adult dreads about an aging parent. I found out my mother has adenocarcinoma. More commonly known as lung cancer. They still have to do another biopsy to find out what stage it is in before the prognosis is certain. I'd known about the possibility of this for over a month, but the shock is still there.

I've gone through many emotions today as I've talked to my mother, siblings and friends. Numbness, denial, anger...all the classics. But I found some light and hope. The light was that originally I was supposed to be away this weekend. And I've worked the last several Fridays. I've had the space today to process this and I've had wonderful loving support from people around me. The hope is that despite the fact they cannot operate to remove the tumors due to my mother's other health issues, that they will be able to treat it successfully through other means.

It's been tough though. I've been both a professional educating my siblings about how people react to the news, the stages of grieving (I used to work for hospice programs) and a daughter scared to my core at the possibility of losing my mother. I've encouraged my sisters to find balance, to accept the support of those around and to most of all just take it one moment at a time. They've given me their love and care in return. Again the light in the clouds of this event, I'm not alone...I have so many people who care for me and I give thanks for that.

Namaste.

Loreena McKennitt, "In the Bleak Midwinter":

Life In the Round

You are what I never knew I always wanted

Fools Rush In

It's been an incredible week.

Well, I'm going back to the Eastern Sierra Nevadas in two weeks to see my mountain man. We're going to see if we can make some sense of what is going on...I know I'm willing to take a chance to say yes to possibility...not sure where he will be. I'll also being doing some photography and hiking...

Other things going on this week? In between work and family issues, I was able to make it to Santa Cruz. Great Big Sea was incredible. It was a small audience that was in the theatre, but the energy generated by their playing that we received and fed back made it feel bigger. It was worth the four hour round trip drive. They've kept me humming since Sunday.

I've promised the patients at my clinic I would do Christmas music for them as part of the celebration we do for them. I've been practicing harp for between 1-3 hours a day to learn the 12 songs. It's incredibly fulfilling to realize how much I've come in less then in a year thanks to the efforts of my teacher. The harp I had made is of a rosewood from Africa called Bubinga. The tone is rich and ringing...perfect for the music I'm learning....

I have a three day weekend with the condo to myself as my roommate is going to a conference. It feels almost decadent to have that much time alone, so I'll be relaxing and catching up on some things I've neglected with all the travel I've been doing...

Hope you all have a good weekend and even though it's a bit early for holiday music, I cannot resist since I'm doing so much of it....

Sarah McLachlan, "What Child Is This":

No Cares.....

A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.

Beverly Sills

The last few weeks have been a challenge (aging parents, relationships, work etc), but I've been facing them with a surprising level of insight, hope and some laughter at life's absurdities. It's admitting that there are cares, but not letting them pull you into a sea of despair and drown you that make all the difference. Life is full of possibilities and if you see the challenges as a way of teaching about these possibilities, then you'll make it through. My harp playing and photography are growing by leaps and bounds as I use them to help work through the cares. Not to mention I've been doing comfort food recipes out of magazines. Roasted root veggies, fall stews, spiced cider anyone?

I'm going to see Great Big Sea this Sunday. Cannot believe it's been 12 years since I encountered their music when I was doing a charity bike ride in Nova Scotia (one of the most gorgeous spots on the earth). I was able to change my ticket as the first venue decided to do primarily "stand up" seating. Don't mind getting out of my seat to dance, but I like to have a seat. Besides that because everyone wants to see the band up close and personal, I've ended up being close and personal with peoples body parts that I'd rather not have been. At least not without having an introduction and drink first . Anyway, I opted to see them in Santa Cruz instead. In all my time in California I've never made it to there, so will be poking around for the day before the concert.

Great Big Sea, "Sea of No Cares":

Endings

In my end is my beginning.

T. S. Eliot

It's sometimes hard to admit a need for an ending. This trip to Michigan has been about ending a long time pattern of behavior in relation to one of my family members. I've done what I can and can only do what the individual will accept. It is time to admit this and move on with the beginnings of some new things in my life.....

Time to go back to California, rock on and celebrate saying yes to life...

Samba Squad, "Rock Me in the Cradle":

L. Pine Tanka

Languidly awaking

Hand searches across the crumpled sheets

Cold empty pillow

Were you a night's elusive dream

Created by this yearning heart?

Enigma, "Gravity of Love":

Reflections Morro Bay

Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.

Peter F. Drucker

I picked up the harp earlier this week. My teacher went with me and we stayed overnight in Morro Bay. Beautiful area. The morning was misty and the bird calls rang out over the water as we walked in the early light. Our time there was very brief so it's a location I hope to return to in a few months.

Michigan is next on the travel agenda. I'll leave for there in a couple of days. Will post more from there if I have time. Still groovin on Jesse Cook, so here is some more from him.

Jesse Cook, "Europa":

October Road Trip 4...Manzanar Part 2

There are stars who's light only reaches the earth long after they have fallen apart. There are people who's remembrance gives light in this world, long after they have passed away. This light shines in our darkest nights on the road we must follow.

The stark beauty and remembrance of Manzanar remains two weeks later. I will be going back and learning more. I encourage anyone who is in that area to visit and remain unchanged....

I will be going on another road trip this weekend. I hope you have a good one and enjoy the richness of life....

Nickelback, "If Today Was Your Last Day":